Friday, March 22, 2013

Fish purse

Since having my wallet stolen, my husband decided I should get a better bag. One that doesn’t zip itself open at random moments. Most ladies enjoy shopping for purses, I’m not one of them. Usually I will have a bag till it partially disintegrates and the other half can no longer be used as a hat. My thing is mini back packs, as I like to have my arms free and I care very little for bag fashion. So off we went to a store and even for my humble taste all the bags were gawdawful hideous. Not wanting to waste my Saturday going from store to store,  I settled on a cheap, ugly messenger bag.  Muddy brown with a hot pink interior and some silly silver splotch design on the front, it has little brass buttons on it that make no sense, this is the bag.  I figured I could play of its hideousness as “Ugly cute”.
 Not long after purchasing it and subsequently trashing the receipt. I began to notice a fishy fish smell. Like shrimp chips, wrapped in noori and sprinkled with crab. Sniffing out the source, I find it’s my new ugly cute bag. It’s been almost a week now and the smell is going strong, no amount of airing it out seems to help. So I go online searching to see if anyone else’s bag is possessed by the ghost of a Japanese snack factory. Apparently this is a very common thing at least I’m not alone. With leather and faux leather bags, companies soften the leather with chemicals and fish oil. Fancier brands use fancier fish oils and everything’s cool. Cheaper brands use cheapy fish oil and chemicals therefore the bag smells like seafood ramen left in the back of someone’s 1979 Volkswagen  scirocco on a hot day.
  The smell apparently can lessen but will never be gone. Argh! This means I have to buy another bag, because I was too hasty and threw the receipt away. Unless every time I open my bag to get my wallet I have to explain to the cashier why it smells like an old cat died of tuna bloat in my purse. Cheapo bags have always served me well in the past, they can last for years and years. But now I find myself thinking about joining the club I always made fun of…

“You paid 300 bucks for a purse!?!  Do you have any idea how many latte’s that is!?”

I have been in fancy stores, and looked at fashion bags over a $1,000.00, yet never saw anything I liked. I just don’t’ care about bags. I once saw some 600 dollar purse, made from alligator skin and dyed hot pink. I have never seen an alligator in real life, and I doubt many shoppers who would drop 600 bones on a purse have seen one either. I’m not against killing animals and wearing them. I just think it’s funny that you can use the dyed skin of a large predator to haul your i-phone and lip gloss and never have seen one of their species in real life.     
Dude, I cannot join this club, screw it I’m going to the army surplus store and buying a canvass bag. Woot she said.

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