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Monday, April 2, 2012

Tussin Trauma


When I was a kid, there was nothing that could not be cured by either Advil or Robitussin (Tussinfor those in the know). On the occasion I wasn’t faking illness, my Mother would administer the cherry flavored Tussin of doom. The devil in a bottle bringing destruction to this world. I hated the stuff, it’s viscous and tastes like Lake Erie. No matter how sick I was, it would take forever to coax me into taking my Tussin. My Mother would sit there and tell me “just drink it real quick” and I would hardly taste it.
                                                            LIAR!
 That’s what the viscosity is for, it makes it impossible to slam the medicine down. Tussin oozes out of that plastic urine sample cup and clings cloyingly to your tongue. I used to count on chasers to save me, but it never worked. It doesn’t matter what you chase it with, water, juice, soda nothing will save you. It’s evil.
 I was certain, that Tussin was designed to torture children. That it was most likely formulated in the dungeon of a crumbling castle by a group of hunch backed child hating scientists that “Muahahaha’d” through their work week. 

Eventually I would down the horrible brew, make a whiskey face, then go into a coma for 2 days. Despite the ghastly flavor of Tussin, it is to this day my go to drug when I am sick. Now that I am an older mature adult, I’m better about taking my medicine.  
Recently I was sick, and asked my husband if on his way home he would get me some disgusting Tussin. He brings me home a bottle that says “Tussin” on the front. Not the brand Robitussin, just Tussin. It was a generic, I asked “What the hell is this?”
“It’s Tussin.”
“It’s not Robitussin.”
“You said Tussin.”
“You jerk, you know I meant Robitussin.”
“It’s the same stuff.”
“The hell it is!”
    Alas I was too sick to not take it. I pour it, and set it on the counter just staring at it. 
It's not as though I can call my Mother and ask her to pester me over the phone to drink it.
 After my wincing at the goo filled cup. My husband yells from the other room “Just take it, already!” I slammed back the imposter Tussin. It was horrible, it was like drinking death. So I guess Tussin is Tussin no matter what.

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