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Thursday, December 1, 2011

F@#k you deer!


My husband and I live on a woodsy island, we see deer all the time.
Our first week here, my husband and I sat on our porch drinking coffee and admiring the young deer nibbling grass. They were very close, I could have nailed them with my shoe, it was magical.

A certain pair of deer, frequent our yard, I’ve grown used to them hanging around.
Our kindly landlord asked if we would mind a friend of hers hunting on the property. It’s not our property, we’re renters. I said, “ok.”
I’m not thrilled about deer hunting, but admit they can be pests, destroying  gardens, blocking roads,  there have been some dog kicking incidents. My husband reminded me that over population could make food scarce for the deer, or create illness among them.  

If I love them, I must shoot them.  :weh: 

I appreciate the need to thin out the deer population. But not my deer, I named them, man!
 There’s no way to exempt them from being hunted. I should have put bells on them or something. Wrangled them into orange hunting vests. 

So Bob the hunter arrives, sets up his tent and waits.
Midday comes, I’m working at my computer by the window. Suddenly my two deer come into view. I flick the window  pane, it doesn’t startle them. I go outside, in my Pajama’s, with bed head still. I work from home so I can look like a frump all day.
Stomping my feet, waving my hands, making like I was about to charge them.

“Ggggrrrraaaaaaaaaaa! Hey! Go away!”
My outbursts degenerated into making crude gestures at the deer.
“Run for your lives, you stupid deer! Jerks!”
They just stared at me.  
“You dumb beasts deserve to die, probably taste delicious!”


I think, maybe they are safe close to the house? Hunter Bob wouldn’t take a shot at deer if they were by a house. I think it will be okay, I go back inside.
I suddenly think “Did hunter Bob see me while in his tent or in the woods?”
 Wondering what in the hell I was doing. In the freezing cold, flipping the bird to deer and running at them in my pajama’s.  I hope he was going to the bathroom at the time. After hunting season was done, Hunter Bob had made no kills. He said there was plenty of opportunity to shoot my deer. But quote “They were so tame and young I didn’t have the heart.”

He saw them, oh crap….he saw me too.

1 comment:

Julie Hastings said...

Enjoying your posts and the drawings which perfectly dipict the story!